What would be good motivation for him to find a job? What kind of job?

[DrSoapMonkey]

I really need my spouse to find a job. I like him at home keeping my daughter, but he's absolutely starting to drive me crazy. He says he wants to go back to work, but I'm starting to believe he's just saying that. You know the difference between how you "look for a job" and "you LOOK for a job" -with results? Well, he's the former.



Next week, my mom will be keeping my little girl, so he will have some free time to start looking. It just seems like everything that is suggested (and keep in mind NOT by me, I keep my mouth shut) to him from other people is not something he wants to do. In my mind, I'm thinking, "You have no skills, this is a bad economy, you will be lucky to find anything". But it's like he only applies for dead-end things that he doesn't really have a shot at getting. He doesn't even try to shoot any higher than "forklift operater" or warehouse jobs. He has had some good jobs, but he just doesn't care to do any better. He goes for jobs that won't even make him much money and will only cover his child support (two other boys with his first wife) and nothing for OUR family.



His excuse right now is that he has to go over to a friend's house to use the internet and he doesn't want to take our daughter because she is a little terror (this is true). The deal is, his friends wife is there and she doesn't mind watching/playing with her for about 20 minutes or so. He could do that once a day or at least once a week, but he doesn't.



I'm thinking I should start applying for jobs FOR HIM that I see on career builder. I still get those emails, and I know they will put your through a staffing agency, but maybe that's what he needs. Is that illegal to do...to apply for a job FOR your husband? I need to motivate him somehow. I need to give him confidence and some force behind himself. He has none. He has even told me that having no job has really started to depress him...but yet he does nothing about it. Any advice?

[Junior425]

he seems like someone who doesnt care? surprised, sorry. But he really needs to find something. Even when I wasn't working, I was always looking for a job. In these hard times, it aint easy for anyone. unless your very clever and got great education. Or you know someone who can give u a job. Well, u could try telling him off. That may make him move.

[MinnesotaGuy085]

Ooh, you've seem to have gotten yourself into a tight spot here. I don't think you should apply to jobs for him, that will only insult him and create resentment - perhaps making the situation worse.

I know it's easy for me to toss out my opinion, I'm not in your shoes, but I think you have been enabling him for so long that it has become a routine. One that will be very difficult to break.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be harsh, but from what I read:
1) Your man has two kids that he doesn't pay child support to unless he's working... so he'd rather not work.
2) When he IS working, most of the money goes to child support anyway, so you get no benefit there.
3) Even if he finally decides to get a job, it's menial and "dead-end"... and he doesn't even care.
4) He could look for work, but would rather not.

And you think the solution is for YOU to apply to jobs for him? I'm sorry Honey, but I think you need to step back, close your eyes, take a deep breath... now slowly open you eyes and take a look at your situation from the view-point that the rest of us can see. Now ask yourself this question: What do I need to do to improve my daughters and my life? That is your ultimate responsibility - nothing else matters as much.

I really do care about how this works out Jade. I want you to succeed, it's just that sometimes you have to do some pretty hard things to achieve greatness (and happiness). Good luck sweetie. No matter what, I'm pulling for you.

[IMenMyself076]

At first thought I would agree with MinnesotaGuy, but seeing your effort, I find that you really cares for your spouse. Not only you want a better life for yourself and your kids, you also think for his welfare. This is great as you've proven yourself as a caring and kind-hearted person.

At this point, I don't really think looking a job for him is right. You see, if you happen found a job for him, its not uncertain whether he would like the job, or whether he is capable of doing that job.

I think it should be better if the job is based on his hobby. He should like it and will make out the best of it. See if he likes gardening, so he could be a successful farmer. If he likes traveling, he can work with the traveling agencies. From your story, I find he had some interest in internet surfing. So be it. He could work through the internet, and thus he could have more time at home. Only that if he happens to work online, he really should have much discipline and possess work ethics. Coz there are large chances for him to play around and forget about his work.