Tough situation, really need advice.?

[I3KyoKyo]

Alright I'm seriously in need of advice.

Heres the problem.

I don't see the point in my life. No, I'm not suicidal, just lacking any purpose.

I can't work. I have an anxiety disorder that prevents me from doing so. It also prevents me from driving. I'm married, however, lately that has seemed more of a down than an up. Im starting to wonder if my marriage is falling apart. Yes Im aware nothing is perfect, but every serious fight we get into..he throws in divorce, or forcing me to find a way to pay rent if I "have" to stay there with him. I understand hes lashing out at me and doesnt mean it....but I have to wonder if maybe he does. Seeing as its been in every fight for awhile now.

I'm currently on medication that helps to a certain degree with my anxiety, but my husband is embarrassed that I'm on it.

Yes yes I know we need to work on it, and no husband should ...blah blah blah.

I'm not worried about it. Im worried that I just dont seem to contribute anything to the relationship. Maybe thats whats wrong? We dont have children, and he does want them ( we have been trying) ....I just dont know how to fix anything. I know if I can just contribute in some way...then I'd feel better and Im sure things would resolve, but how? How do I contribute? I feel like a child...I dunno if Im even asking anything that can be answered..I may just be venting, but still in hopes some magic solution will arrive.

Im sure Im not explaining it well, if you need more details though please ask specifically otherwise i dont know what to add....

Well he used to tell me I contributed by being his perfect housewife. I cook, I clean, I love him. I used to believe him, but now I think he was telling me that to make me feel better...I cant just overcome my anxiety disorder overnight...Im working onit! I just need to know what to do in the mean time

Im not forcing him to be in this relationship. Ive told him time and time again hes free to leave whenever.....He married me knowing I couldnt work etc...Alright nevermind. Obviously Im in the wrong for having a disorder >:( Jeez. I was asking for help not "snap out of it and quit being a child"

Honestly If I could snap out of it, dont you think I would have already? Im fully aware...its not even worth it.

Thanks to the people who are actually trying to help!

[TruffleShuffle610]

I think you're a bit depressed over all this, which is almost expected. Talk to your doctor. Things can get better. (:

[RainKing]

You need to address your anxiety disorder first. You probably feel as if you're not contributing much because you're not. But don't let that just become part of the depression/anxiety cycle. Do something about it. Therapy, books, drugs - whatever works. And then get back into life.

[promqueen452]

Well, you don't contribute anything to the relationship.

You don't work, you don't drive, and you have anxiety disorder(?)...

Honestly, I have never heard of an anxiety disorder preventing anyone from work... find a job that you can do with your disorder! I'm sure there is something out there you can do.

I agree with your husband, you don't contribute anything so how can you be equals? You need to find some motivation to get a job or find purpose in your life instead of standing around crying over anxiety.

Volunteer or work with animals, they are good stress relievers.

[TheBobster571]

Seriously, you're awful high maintenance on him aren't you? Would you want to put up with you all the time? Can you blame him for wondering if he wouldn't be better off without you?

You need to stop playing helpless and expecting him to take care of you. It's not fair. You feel like a child because you're acting like one.

[WisenSmart527]

Have you tried Jesus? It works for me in any situation, even when I was in your shoes and He was the only one that gave me a new beautiful and healthy life. Receive Him in your heart and you will see that is all you will ever need to be whole and fill that empty hole in your life.

[Sicko525]

Get a grip get a job, and make sure you don't have any kids!!!

[texasstar]

You have adopted the anxiety disorder because of depression and counseling can help you. Go to a medical professional and seek help and beat this thing before it beats you. Take control of your emotions or this confining diseases will. Your choice , your life.

[JarvisMarkus714]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I understand your problem. I also experience issues with anxiety but fortunately this doesn't effect my work, but regardless it's still a serious condition and it can make life very hard.

I think you are stressed out and this as well as your anxiety is not allowing you to conceive.

I don't know if your husband told you that just to make you feel better but he seems to honestly love you, my question is why is he ashamed that you're taking medication for a serious condition? I doubt you would be if he were on anti depressants. That's not the right frame of mind, he should be supporting you.

I don't know what your life is like or what you do when you aren't working but perhaps you can take up a hobby that is helpful to him.. I don't know. I think your husband is a bit mean though by telling you to pay your way, he knew of your condition and he married you anyway. Whether or not he thought this was going to be a short term thing, I don't know.

I think you need to just keep doing what you're doing but tell your husband that you are feeling lonely, bored and need more stimulation. He should work with you to provide this for you otherwise I'd be questioning his motives.

Good luck to you, I hope you find happiness and conceive eventually, i'm also trying :)

[JR354]

Actually, yes, you have explained it all quite well.

And, I don't answer many of these anymore since most of it has all become the "land of the trolls", and besides, I'm too busy.

But anyway.

1.Lots of us have anxiety disorders, or other really difficult issues. And, you need to get on a different med and as well, stay in contact with your doc. Understand something about Xanax, or any other combo with an antidepressant that you may be getting.... none of them work the same way in any two people, and none work for the rest of your life. And if you drink, even socially, they don't work well at all !!!! If your doc is any concerned person at all, he/she will continuously try "cocktails" of meds to get your attitude evened out. I promise you, it is not an easy task for any doc to do this, and it is not easy for you, as the patient to not just give up, and say the hell with it all, I'll just stay on this one..... So the message for this part, is "the squeaking wheel gets the grease", hon.

2. You feel worthless because you AREN'T contributing. How could you feel otherwise????? Marriage is a partnership, where we each give the best we can. Your husband sees you not trying. Of course he's smoked !!! And the guy (your husband) looking into your anxiety, has no clue what you feel. So, get those meds squared away, and get a job. Hon, it makes no difference what it is... At McD's to start, part time, or Home Depot, or anywhere... mopping a floor. It makes no difference. (And don't worry that your husband is "embarrassed". It isn't his problem, it is yours. But he has a right to expect a partner of you. You owe it to him, and your relationship not to give up.)

3. Don't have a child at this time. Since your marriage is rocky right now, children do not bond your marriage, they are divisive. Because if you have one now, into this already shaky relationship comes this shrieking child demanding of you, pushing you even farther from your husband. If you think you are fighting now, you "ain't seen nuttin'" until you bring a child into this. Your marriage may not survive two more years, but it won't survive even that if you have a baby. We all get sold a bill of goods, that, "oh, we're making a baby, ain't that sooo romantic.???" . and no it isn't. Parenting is the hardest job on the planet. Don't' stick a child with the responsibility of being the glue in your marriage... thousands of couples can vouch that it just doesn't work. Not ever.

So, hon,
1.see and keep seeing your doc,
2.get a job, any job,
3.don't have a child,
4.get your head back on straight, by some counseling for your marriage.

4 things you can do to try to change this. And remember,doing none of is a decision to just let it all fall apart around your ears.
If you jump out of an airplane and don't pull your rip cord, that, hon is a decision.