Please Help. I am struggling to leave my abusive boyfriend?

[MissPink]

I really need some outsider's advice. I am a young and usually outgoing and bubbly girl but the last few months i have become insecure,quiet and seriously depressed. I know the problem lies with my boyfriend of only 18months. When we got together,the first few months were great,i really fell in love with him but after a while things suddenly changed. I found out he was seriously addicted to cannabis ( which i strongly disagree with) and he also mixed it with drink. We would have an argument and he'd go home and within a few hours he would be texting me vicious abuse, severely personal and really mentally painful things. this became his routine,every time he'd go home and bombard me with terrible texts of threats and abuse.Id be so hurt id finish it, but then he'd change and cry and beg for me back and id soon give in n the next few days would be normal. Then like clockwork he'd repeat what he done even though he assured me he was so hurt about doing it before. Then things became real bad,we went to stay in a empty friends house hundreds of miles away from my home and he got drunk and we argued. He then forced me into my car and drove me back home fuelled with drink n rage. The car was not insured with him and i had only just come out of a fatal car accident myself. i cried all the way. we got home and of course i left him,but we soon got back together after he put on the tears and said it wasn't him it was the drink but hed never touch it again. countless things happened that are truly unreal. Then i found out i was pregnant. i was happy to be having a child but was scared of my boyfriends drug addiction and temper.I couldn't wait to tell him the news though, every things going to change now i told myself, he's gunna be a dad , of course he'll change.Apart from the fact the night i told him i also found him chatting up some other girl over the net,the next few weeks were confusing. I tried to show him and talk to him about really sorting things out but he just said "my feelings are my feelings,their private." he soon argued with me n left me alone pregnant and scared. i went out to his house in tears begging him to come outside n talk to me, but he was just inside wrect of drugs and drink and refused. i went home and suddenly starting bleeding. i knew there and then id lost my baby. he came over the day i told him and was there for less than 3 days before he went home n got wrect. i was in turmoil,i needed him, i could barely take the pain. after that everytime we fell out he leave answer messages or texts saying it was my fault i lost the baby n i never deserved to be a mother and because i had a few worries as any young girl would about becoming a mother, that i had aborted the baby. my family sorealizedsed what was going ondidn'tdnt like to c me with him, they said he was capable of really hurting munfortunatelytly i never saw that and would even go to the extreme of camping in the middle of nowhere just to be with him. One night he seemed really out of it on drugs though and started to drink whilst camping. i knew trouble was coming so went into the tent to sleep until the morning. suddenly he attacked me in the tent saying he was gunna kill me. He hit,bit and threw things at me. i have never been so scared in entire life. i begged him to calm down but he didnt. i managed to jump in my car and sped home. then days later came the phone calls n texts. i changed my number, email n cut all contact but letters came n he started contactin my dad. i could really go on and on and even seeing what im writing now seems unreal and i cannot see why im with him now. Hes 25, has no job or car and jus spends his dole money on his drugs. I am a sensible young and bright girl with a good job n respectable family. Please understand that i have tried everything to leave him but i always end up believing him when he says he'll never do anything bad again and he'll change. i cant seem to just let go eben thoug i know he is so wrong for me. id really appreciate some advice, my family and friends have tried telling me everyday i should stay well clear of him but i manage to let myself fall again. I feel so depressed because of all the things he's said and done to me. i am starting to believe them. i need to get out of this

[Debbie-Cakes]

You are in a serious, deep/painful, but REAL, situation! I read every last word which most won't because it is a bit lengthy. You took the 1st few steps in trying to "STAY WELL CLEAR OF HIM" by changing your phone # and email/cutting off contacts. GOOD JOB!!! Now I suggest you keep moving forward in your good work by trying to get a restraining order on him. A restraining order will keep him legally away from you... you will probably need some sort of proof/evidence to give to the police. If you have any of those nasty messages he has sent you... that will be good. If you don't... try hard to get some sort of evidence. Talk this all over with your family and make sure this would be the best thing for you. I pray the Lord will give you peace and comfort from this situation. Love & Prayers, ME <3

[Andrea965]

Well Honey.... The first step you should take is actually leave him and not come back, if he has done this countless times and always says sorry later on but does it again than why don't you leave him if you know NOTHING will change?
I know you hope that he will wake up and see that he is hurting you but for now that's just not going to happen.
So you NEED to completely separate yourself for him.
This may be a physiological/ internal problem as well. You know what is the right thing to do but you keep "believing him." the truth (again) is that you really aren't believing him, its just that internally/mentally you HOPE that he is going to change.

end the roller coaster and just leave. that is all YOU can do. you can't change him, he has to be willing to do that. but YOU and ONLY you have the power to leave him.

Sweety make the right choice.

[Sbsb]

Hi there,

i understand what your going through as i went through something similar for 3 years . . .

i am Just going to tell you what i did to get out of the relationship and how i managed to move on with my life. . . if you think you can do the same then please do so if you dont then i think you should talk to a councilor and even get the police involved to help you.

towards the end of the 3rd yr he has done the same as usu all the nyt before and that was be abusive and den started to say sorry and he would never do it again.

i woke up the folloing Morning and i sat down in a quite room and my reflection was in front of me and i questioned myself, i said is dis what u want, he dis what u worked for, do u want to be like this for the rest of your life, your smart young funny and you can do so much better

i wrote him a letter saying everything i ever wanted to say and in a wake it woke me up it was like i slapped myself back in to reality . . .i packed my things and went and stayed with family far far away for a few months

i got a new job a new look basically a new life and i got on with things i Just stopped thinking about him and when ever i did for that split second i would remind myself of all the things he had done and den look around me and see how happy i was again . ..and it always reassures me i did the ryt things

i say u Just give ur self a wake up call if no one else is . .get on with it and grow up Just do something rather den thinking about doing it .. .if u dont live ur life den who will??

i hope i helped good luck xx

[AlexandriaD616]

it seems like he isnt the only one with the problem. i mean he has a problem with the fact that he is on drugs, drinks, and abuses you not only verbally but physically. You also have a problem in the fact that you want leave him. You say that you have tried all you can but i dont believe you. If you really wanted to get away from him then you wouldve. Someone who is not only a danger to themselves but to me as well isnt not going to be around me. you have to decide for urself what you want. do want to be with someone who is so abusive and negative or do you want a future?