My boyfriend has violent fantasies whenever he's angry. Is this unhealthy?

[Americangirl]

My boyfriend has told me he has violent fantasies, usually involving harming someone, when he's angry. Sure, we've all had occasional violent fantasies, but he seems to have them a lot more frequently than most. Example: he and his mom have a mentally retarded young man living with them(this young man has the mind of 3- year -old. My bf's mom has a group home permit). The man wouldn't mind my boyfriend's mother when she asked him to sit down. My boyfriend got very angry at this and told me he had visions of stabbing this guy.



Another example: My boyfriend was bullied very severely in high school. He confessed that during that time he had had fantasies of coming in and shooting everyone in the school. I started to feel physically sick after he told me that.



The problem is, he doesn't look the type who would harm anyone; he's easy to get along with, happy, and outgoing, but I am smart enough to know that some people may not be all that they appear to be. He's told me time and time again that he'd never act on his fantasies, but I don't believe him.



In addition to his violent fantasies, he is also obsessed with violent movies and video games, and blood and gore are favorite topics in his stories. He also collects knives and throws them out in the backyard sometimes. To me, his behavior has gone far beyond "boys will be boys" stuff. He strikes me as a disturbed person that may harbor a lot of anger. I told him that it wasn't right to fantasize about hurting people, but he said that that's the way he deals with anger.



Knowing this about him has made me very uncomfortable. I am strongly considering breaking it off with him. From what I've told you, do you think that he may be disturbed, or is that just me? Please don't tell me to ignore it, or that it isn't a big deal, because it is to me.



I'd like serious answers only. I'd also appreciate it if people working in the mental health field also commented. Lastly, if you are going to be rude, don't bother commenting.



Thanks.

[oOoMorrisoOo019]

1. yes
2. i think u shuld call a counsler
3. if u want to talk, maybe u shuld call 731-1357
4. ^ THIS MITE B THE # IM NOT SURE

[Kira907]

To be honest that I have the same problem, I understand what is going on.
Firstly; sending him to a mental hospital or institution will make his anger and frustrations higher. Medication will only make him tired and lazy, but once it is adapted through his system he will get mad at not only the medication, but the person (usually the doctor) as well. It can get physical.

He is a nice person, it's the fact that he may be stressed and wants or needs something to get his frustrations out without being physical, and that is where fantasies and movies come in.


Pretend for a moment that you are sitting alone in your bed in the dark, ready for bed. You had a very stressful day, you got dumped by your boyfriend because he is seeing another woman, your car broke down while you were heading home in the rain, you just got pay deducted, because someone claimed that you messed up someone else office, you got a phone call that your mother died, and you just got a miscarriage.
Meanwhile; you thought of your past, how you were abused from your father, you got bullied at school all of the time, and you saw your sister die....

I know this may sound bad, but some people experience worst.

Lets continue.

You sit up from your bed crying in frustration, you want to hit the wall beside you, you wish you can kill the people who done you wrong, but you are a kind person; you don't want to physically harm a person.
So you went outside with your knife collection and just start throwing them at the fence. Sadly your anger gets higher so you began to stab the tree, you get inpatient. Walking inside your house you set your knives down on the kitchen table and went to the living room; you put on a violent movie.
Geting into the movie, afterward your anger decreased so you decided to watch a comedy, you began to feel better.
Afterward you went to bed and had some snakes and went to bed.


(End)

If that is how he deals with anger then let him, if you can add some comedy into the relationship, or watch a very funny movie with little violance and he will surely will be calmer.

Never drag the negativity with you, he will feed off of that energy.

If you joke around and act/be all happy around him, he will be happy as well.

Once you get to know him better, you will be able to predict is behavior and will be able to help him cope; eventually he will learn to cope on his own.

Good luck.