I've been having suicidal thoughts.?

[Antithesis]

Sorry this is kind of long but I need help. these past few weeks I've been thinking about suicide. It's not enough that I'm about to carry it out, in fact not even close. It's just that I'm so down and I let things get to me. I'll try to describe the things I think but I'm not sure how I'll be able to explain it properly.



I have had depression twice in my life, once in 2nd grade and once in 9th. I have great parents and a great boyfriend, but not really any very close friends. I find myself stressing out about school a lot because I care about my education. My main problem is just that I'm so bored. Every day its the same thing and I don't feel strong emotions, ever. I'll rarely feel really happy or really sad (or angry, etc.) But I'm just so bored I swear sometimes all I want to do is find some new friends, get a new life and snort a pound and a half of cocaine. You know what I mean?



Like I said, I'm not close to actually killing myself. I don't want to upset the people I love. It's just that lately the thoughts have been there and it's freaking me out. I'll be driving down the road and thinking "If I just swerved off this hill it would finally all be over." why do I do that?



I know I'm probably going to have people say "get help", but if possible I'd rather not do that. I had a counselor in 9th grade and it was okay but I'm just embarassed to ask my mom for it again. I don't want to be a burden. What should I do?

By the way I'm 17

[TheGetFresh078]

Most likely hormones.

[Lolazen270]

What are your goals in life? Have you accomplished them? There's people out there that need you! Also, it's kind of normal to be confused and go through difficult stages of life. You're young! Live life to the fullest!

[Desiree567]

As much as you don't want to get help...In this case that is what you need. Think about your boyfriend and parents. You said you don't want to be a burden but if you kill yourself that will be a burden on them. Another thing, don't take drugs. Sometimes it may seem like the answer but drugs are not the answer to anything. They may make you feel good for a little while but there are consequences in the end.

[errun818]

you shouldn't be embarrassed to talk to your mom about this. it's obviously an issue that's taking over your life, and i think you should talk to someone.

[lara582]

honestly, you should make a bunch of new friends and do what you want. youre 17 so grades matter, but theyre obviously not worth it.

think of it this way: if youre having suicidal thoughts because of stress and boredom, and that's threatening your life then why not do something dangerous that could help you. slack off a little in school..dont do your best on everything.. snort that cocaine (im not telling you to...hypothetical haha) and make those random new friends.

there are new people everywhere. just be outgoing for a little, talk to people you dont know, make some new friends, do something new with your boyfriend or dump your boyfriend if he doesnt excite you. the possibilities are endless, your life is not.

[Lily_1981]

As much as you don't like people tell you "get help." You need to get help.
Therapist and psychologists are people who deal with this kind of things on DAILY basic. It is their JOB, they are not going to judge you, you can be completely yourself in front of them. Don't be ashamed, depression is a mental illness, it is a disorder, it is very treatable. It doesn't mean you are "crazy", it just means you have some chemical imbalance going on in your brain, it can be controlled and cured.
I lost my boyfriend to suicide four months ago. I could swear to you that I never saw that coming. He is always happy, and he is the one who cheer me up. Just one second, he decided to end it up, that one second in my life I will always question.
Depression and all mental illnesses are ugly illness. It plays tricks on your mind, it is NOT something you can control. GO GET HELP. You owe it to YOURSELF. Go get treatment!!!!!!