How to make my aunt divorce her husband?

[MrSelick]

My aunt is a really smart woman who's going back to university in her late 20's (from scratch) to becom a doctor. She's adventurous, but she suffers from very low self-esteem. She moved to Canada with her parents (my grandparents), but she went back because she was in love with this apparently charming fellow. He seemed nice at the time and my gullible, stupid mother acted as a mediary and settled the issue. She arranged a wedding and my aunt moved to Canada finally with my grandparents consent. Now, while my entire family has at LEAST a degree from recognized institution, this moron sits down watching TV and movies all day. He treats my lovely aunt like a maid and she thinks that she can't take a divorce because it was her decision to marry him despite her many other rich, educated suitors. I know I sound old fashioned, but I'm quite young and adventurous, though the imbecile she has married is like deadweight on our family. He stirs all sorts of arguments indirectly. He took away her indepedence. He would give her dirty looks if he spends too much time with the rest of us.



I really want to get rid of him. I know that deep down, she hates him. So does the rest of our family, but this could be the very first divorce anybody got in our family and since it was her decision to marry him, it's going to be hard to convince her that it's ok to admit her mistake and that it;s ok to let her dad yell at her before he consents because it is essentially her own fault for deciding to rebel.



How do I slowly put the idea into her mind without directly mentioning it? She's extremely sensitive and can NEVER directly acknowledge her mistake unless the situation is pushed to its limits. She gets angry at the slightest mention of anything critical about her husband. I don't understand where this protection comes from though. Maybe because she's scared to admit her mistake,



I know the guy and he has potential to become an alcoholic. Trust my judgment on him.

I could so easily predict your answers. Maybe you would have felt differently if you had witnessed the circumstances with your own eyes. She's suffering under his hands.

I'm sorry. I thought about what you said. I am NOT going to let her ruin her life because she decided to marry a potential alcoholic who asked me how many fights I have had at school like it's a commonplace must! Now, if you have any real suggestions, time tto yield em.

[janicajayne899]

That's her business, not yours.

[Doz]

Leave her alone and worry about your own problems.

[Elana567]

> I know that deep down, she hates him.

No, you don't. YOU are projecting YOUR opinion on hers.

At any rate, I concur with the previous poster - how would you like it if your family started butting into YOUR marriage? Particularly, how would you like it if one of your relatives tried to muck around with your marriage SECRETLY and by getting advice off the Internet?

It is reasonable for you to honestly state your opinion openly to her - but that's where it ends. If she gets her back up, if she stops listening, etc, then that is her affair.

[Sandy077]

Its not your place to try to get her to divorce her husband. She's an adult who made an adult decision. You would be completely out of line to try to manipulate her to leave him. It might back fire and cause her to hate you. This is something she has to decide on. No one can make that decision for her.

[Tsunami478]

Its very hardfor soemoneto seewhat they didand then correct it i mean if you can talk to her or something but its very hard to talkt o someoneabout divorcing its a horrible deal to go through with and hes aq creep sure she can see this but you know what sometimes sticking with themain is what women do i am not sure you ca talk to her.

[mark3321000]

janicaja is right. it is her business, not yours. you have to remember...you dont live her life, she does.

[Myth_Understood605]

It's not your life.

It's not your business.

NO ONE knows the inner workings of a marriage except the two who are in it.

Just stay out of it, and pray that when you get older and are in a serious relationship, that some misguided, well-meaning relative doesn't plot a way to break the two of you up. There is nothing you could say or do that will sway her, and in any case - it's not your life, and not your business.

Just let her be, and get on with your own life.

Best of luck !!

P.S. It can't be that horrific if she stays with him ! If she is so weak willed that she won't leave him on her own, do you REALLY think that there's some magic phrase that you can say to her that'll make her see the light so she leaves?

Be reasonable !

P.P.S. You're THAT bent because he asked you about how many fights you got in? If that's the worst he's said, then you need to get some help, hon.

Tell ya what: In one sentence, what is the worst thing you saw him say or do to her? Not the deadbeat part or that he's unemployed - what ACT or DEED did he do that's dangerous or abusive to her?

[SwEEtiePiE455]

I understand where you are coming from, and I know that you deeply do care about your aunt. But it's best to just let her know you love and care about her and you're going to be there no matter what she goes through. And sadly enough this is one of those things you just have to stick out and let her decide for herself. Be supportive! But really it's up to her it is her life afterall.

[Empathy]

I would never do it but you could always frame him. You sound intelligent enough to plan well. The thing is, even if he is hurting her now, she's not ready to admit his weaknesses openly or break away from this relationship. You may be ready for her to, but she's not. So, if you interfere and "expose" him, she will be traumatized and hurt by that too. So, not only would you hurt her as well, but you would risk getting caught for making him look bad and then who knows, she might even feel sorry for him and take him back. Anyway, my suggestion is that you interfere only to the point of recommending some counseling for her. Don't point out directly what you hope will happen, just that it will help her. Then support her and let her know you'll be there if she needs anything. Maybe through counseling she will become ready to leave.