bucks night strippers?

[LaurenB]

I'm getting married in february and I am completely freaking out about my fiance's batchelor party.

I'm really not ok with him going to a strip club. we were virgins when we met, he had never even kissed another girl, so obviously has never been near any naked women other than me. I see it as mental cheating to go somewhere where the only reason for going is to look at naked women in person, and obviously be thinking about them in a sexual way.

I do not under any circumstances think he would actually cheat, but I can't help but think of him going there as a betrayal. I don't want to be one of those girls who "forbids" her fiance to go there, but it makes me feel physically sick to think of it.

am I being a complete prude? is there anything I can do?

Anama, I am not religious at all. I have not had an "opressed upbringing" in fact, my mum is the one who called me a prude when I mentioned this to her. we are very open with our sexuality together, and I would even be open to going there with him, its the fact that he's there without me, where he can completely forget I exist while watching those girls that upsets me. don't make personal judgements on someone you don't know.

[Giggidy821]

Yeah you kinda are. It is just his last night before spending the rest of his life with you. I think you can get past it.

[MRSK2B153]

i think you need to relax. so he has never betrayed you by watching porn? he has never seen another naked lady on the TV? youre kiddingyourself if you think he hasnt (sorry to be so rude)

i do get annoyed with women who donot allow their fiance's trust. i have arranged for my fiance to go to a lap dancing bar on his stag night, and i am also going to see a male stripper show. it is not about betraying you mentally its a fun night, there is no touching, no groping and definately no sexual liasons (in clasy places) so relax, i really think you need to let this go, otherwise you will be setting a bad precident for your marriage, you being jealous and him resenting the fact that he cant have a good lads night out.

i will get thumbs down for this i know but this is my opinion and as i feel this way i also kno a lot of women feel the complete opposite, maybe im just a bit mre laid back and trusting ofmy future husband than most.

at the endof the day if he cheats its his loss! he knows i wont stick around so why risk doing that?

hope i showed you an alternative opinion :)

[Anama399]

Yes, you are a complete prude, but it is probably because you were raised that way and now that is how you believe and behave. I am assuming you were raised this way based on your parents' cultural and/or religious beliefs.
That being said, I do NOT think it is possible for you or even your husband to be ok with him going to a strip club before the wedding (assuming he was raised failry close to the way you were) , and that plan needs to be adapted to what is acceptable for both of you. You don't need to be dragging the idea of him "mentally cheating" on you into the first stages of your marriage. If you know you can't get over it, then be honest with him and let him know you have a HUGE problem with it and plans need to be altered to deal with your feelings on this matter.
After marriage though, I think you need to read about human sexuality and learn about what is normal sexual behavior. You will need to begin to explore your own sexuality and sexual preferences, and try to learn to be a bit more open minded to what "normal" sexual behavior is. I have personally found that most people who have been sexually oppressed in their upbringing can have some unnecessary marital issues/crisis' when religious based limitations and expectations of sexual behavior exceed what is normal and reasonable for sexual expression and behavior. I would hate for that to happen to you as you seem to have some unrealistically high expectations and definitions of what constitutes "cheating".

sorry for all the edits! And sorry that you are not getting the "ditto head" answers that you obviously are looking for! but accept that you have some sexual hang ups and move on!

another edit: HAHAHAHA! Like it or not, you ARE sexually conservative, either that or quite young. And I seriously doubt that he is going to "completely forget about you" because some ho is gyrating in front of him. Are you the jealous type or just insecure then? Hmmm.... good luck to the both of you if you are either of those because those sort of people are not at all fun to be in relationships with. And good for your Mum, you should listen to her then!

[Stringofpearls987]

I absolutely agree with you, why does he NEED to go to a strip club though? I doubt if he is the kind of guy that would want to, my fiance said he wouldn't be comfortable with it and so is going to a football (UK) match with his mates dad and bro for his do.

Edit: as for being sexually conservative I definitely don't feel that not wanting to go to a strip club means that, I'd even say I personally was fairly adventurous. I could go and so could he but neither of us want to!

[K771]

If you really trust him like you say you do, you know there will be no problems.

If you're this worried about him just going... you should be really worried that someone WILL buy him a lap dance... even strangers when they find out he's there for his bachelor party!

[MrsWashington]

you know, i wish there was some magical words to tell you that would make all your apprehensions go away but there really isn't. acceptance is through your thought process and how you perceive what is going to take place.
I completely understand your fears of him going there. but here is the deal... men are going to look at naked women. maybe not completely, but every chance they get they are gonna look.... it might be easier to just accept that all he is doing is looking. you said that you believed he would never act on any impulse so i would do my best to not worry. here is what my mom told me one day when i caught her checking out this man that walked past us.... "Just because I am on a diet doesn't mean i can't look at the menu." people can look at what is in front of them and choose for themselves if they are gonna partake of it.... you seem pretty sure he wouldn't so what is the hub-bub about?

[squishy7223]

Lauren I completely agree with you. Even though it's his party HE IS NOT SINGLE IN ANY WAY! I don't understand why people say "it's your last night as a single man" because even though he is not married he is still in a committed relationship with you and only you. Don't feel like you are alone in thinking this way. I haven't even read the other posts but I have a feeling that 90% of them are saying "if you trust him then you wouldn't have a problem with it" but I don't think it's about trust as much as it is about a feeling of betrayal like you said. In my eyes as well it is cheating even if only mentally cheating. There is no reason that as a man if you are totally happy in your relationship that you need to go and look at other women for the sake of getting aroused which is the point of the strip club. Bravo to the women that can go and let their husbands get aroused by another woman and not feel like this is cheating but to me it is and also to you and I agree with you 100%. You need to talk to your fiance about this. There is no problem with you saying no strip clubs. If he has respect for you and your relationship he will realize that 1 night on the town is not worth trouble in the relationship. I have told my fiance straight out that if I find out he has a stripper at his party then I will call off the wedding and seriously have to think about the realtionship (which I know he won't..THAT'S how I trust him..not to mention my brother will be there lol). You never know what goes on there. I gauruntee that 99% of men who had strippers or went to a strip club for their parties did something that they shouldn't have done and their spouses knew nothing about it and will never know anything about it. But seriously, just talk to him. I think it's disrespectful to women for men to think it's okay to do that personally. Would he like it if you went to see male strippers and had their junk all in your face? No, and I would never even THINK about doing that because that is just totally rude to my fiance. So bottom line here is talk to him. If you aren't comfortable with it then he just shouldn't do it. Are you sure he's planning on doing this? Give him other suggestions of what he could do instead like having a poker night with the guys (if he likes that) or fishing trip or a camping trip. Something that he can go and do with his friends that he can drink and have a good time but doesn't have to be around other women. Good luck to you and don't worry you are NOT alone in feeling this way.


EDIT: and there is a BIG HUGE differance between looking at naked women in person and them giving you a lap dance and being on you and looking at them thru a TV or computer screen. And I'm not sexually conservative AT ALL IN THE LEAST BIT and I am not comfortable with it at all. And not ALL men do this for their parties either.

[Kiwiismybird-o886]

I understand where your coming from. You need to tell him your feelings, and how uncomfortable you are with the idea. Explain it's not that you think in any way he will cheat on you, but you just feel that since your the only woman he's ever seen in that way, you feel violate by the though of him seeing another naked woman in an obviously sexual way. Then suggest another fun option, like a rowdy bar in the next town over. If he is telling you that your being too harsh, then you should reconsider getting married so soon, and wait until he matures enough to respect your feelings. My fiancee is going out of town for a weekend for his bachelor party, along with his brothers, a few close friends, my dad (he invited my dad himself, they get along really well), and my cousin. They're all going to go camping and fishing one night, then go to a hotel the next night so they can go watch a game and go out to the bars. It's a total man-weekend, and I'm sure they'll all be plenty drunk and have a lot of fun, but there won't be any strippers. There are plenty of ways guys can go be guys without naked girls involved. And while my fiancee isn't into strip clubs, I would seriously reconsider walking down the aisle to marry a man who wants to see other women naked.

[4REEE068]

He should NOT have strippers!

As men, we are highly visually stimulated. I'm not saying that women aren't, but men are more so.

On your wedding night, the last thing you want dear husband to do is "play back" those "tapes" in his mind while he is making love to you.

Most of the time he won't be doing it on purpose, but if he does, it's because he can't help it. Especially if he is all charged up after seeing a hot women lap dancing him!

We live in the digital age. With this sucky economy, wait till his boss *just happens* to see those pictures!

*
*
*